Music Jokes

A viola player dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates he is handed a beautiful new viola and invited to play in the Orchestra of Heaven, a rehearsal of which is about to begin. He enters the hall and beholds the largest orchestra he has ever seen -- 496 violins, 432 violas, 269 cellos, 147 double basses, 18 flutes, 15 clarinets, 12 oboes, 11 bassoons, 8 horns, 6 trumpets, 3 trombones,... and a tuba. He takes his place as the 433rd violist, and then the conductor comes out--and it's God himself. He picks up the baton and begins conducting, and the most wonderful sounds the violist has ever heard come pouring out of the orchestra. Suddenly, God looks right at the new violist, who begins to cower. God leans forward menacingly, points his baton right at the by now terrified violist, and shouts... "Trombones, too loud!"

A jazz player dies and goes to heaven... (no that's not the joke)... Once he gets there, St. Peter points to where the heavenly jazz band is forming. The guy goes there and sees all of the greats that ever lived... Charlie Parker, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, everybody! Duke Ellington was conducting the band. "Duke, this is some kind of band! I mean, you've got everybody here! This is great!" "Yeah," Duke replies, "it's okay." The jazz player is shocked. "OK? This is the greatest band ever!" Duke replied, "Yeah, the band's great. But see, God has this girlfriend, and she sings.

What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a dead country singer in the road? The country singer might've been on his way to a recording session!

A violin player came home one day to find his house burnt to the ground, and policemen, firemen etc, standing around. He went up to one and asked, "What happened to my house?"

The policeman replied, "Well, the conductor came to your house at -"

The violinist interrupted in amazement, "The conductor? Came to my house?